the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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