They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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