so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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