Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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