haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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