When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
ok first of all what the fuck
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
