She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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