she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
