Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
