I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
