I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
