Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
