I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
