I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
