Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
