Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
