I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
