so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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