You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize