I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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