***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm passing your future prison.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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