alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
