Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
