i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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