her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
