I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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