She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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