I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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