Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
