its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
