I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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