Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
