somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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