She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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