You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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