The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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