I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
