Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we're making bets on your personal life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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