I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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