Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
