He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i came on her dog
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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