The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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