Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
