hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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