i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
