dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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