I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
should my penis look like a turkey
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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