This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
