Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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