i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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