Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
