I faked an abortion last night.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
