I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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