He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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