We won't sleep together?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
