she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
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Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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