I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
did i just pee glitter
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
