She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
