508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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