just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
