He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
