the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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