Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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