i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
