So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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