1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
